Understanding Abuse: It’s More Than You Think

Abuse isn’t always physical. It can be emotional, financial, verbal, or sexual. It’s always about power and control. It can look like:

  • Controlling what you do or who you see

  • Threatening to take your children away

  • Withholding money or basic needs

  • Constant criticism or humiliation

These are all forms of abusive behavior, and they’re never okay.

Know the Signs. Take the First Step.

Abuse often starts subtly and gets worse over time. The first step to breaking free is recognizing the warning signs, like:

  • Feeling afraid of your partner

  • Walking on eggshells to avoid conflict

  • Being cut off from family and friends

  • Having no control over money or decisions

  • Being threatened, manipulated, or insulted

If any of this sounds familiar, whether it’s happening to you or someone you care about, you’re not alone.

Why Do I Feel This Way?

If you’re here, you might be feeling overwhelmed, confused maybe even blaming yourself.
You might think:

“I should have done something.”
“It wasn’t that bad.”
“I still love them.”
“Maybe it’s my fault.”

Let’s be clear: It’s not your fault. And you’re not alone.

Your Feelings Are Valid

Leaving an abusive relationship or reporting a sexual assault is incredibly difficult — emotionally, mentally, and physically. You may feel scared, ashamed, or unsure of what to do next. That’s okay.

These emotions are not a sign of weakness. They’re a normal part of the healing process.

You’re Not Crazy — You’re Surviving

Survivors often say: “I don’t want to leave. I just want the abuse to stop.”

That’s a deeply human response. Love, fear, guilt, and hope can all exist at once. You are not broken. You're surviving a situation no one should have to endure.

Why Don’t I Leave?

If you’ve ever asked yourself, or someone else, “Why don’t they just leave?”
Know this: Staying in an abusive relationship doesn’t mean someone is weak. It means they’re surviving.

Abuse is about control, physical, emotional, verbal, sexual, financial. And leaving isn’t simple. Survivors face a complex web of fear, guilt, economic pressure, emotional ties, and cultural beliefs. Many are also deeply isolated cut off from friends, family, or support systems.

Here’s why someone might stay and why they deserve compassion, not judgment:

Fear

Leaving can be dangerous. Most domestic violence-related homicides happen when a victim tries to leave. Survivors often live with the very real fear: “If I leave, they might hurt me or my children.”

The Cycle of Abuse

Abuse isn’t constant. There are apologies, promises to change, and moments that feel loving. Many victims leave and return multiple times — not because they’re confused, but because they’re holding onto hope that the abuse will stop.

Growing Up With Abuse

Survivors raised in abusive homes may believe that abuse is a “normal” part of love. Low self-worth, reinforced by the abuser, can lead to feelings like: “No one else will want me.” or “I can’t survive on my own.”

Guilt

Many survivors feel responsible for their partner, their family, or even the abuse itself. They may think: “If I leave, it will destroy their life.” or “It’s my fault they got arrested.”

Financial Control

Abusers often control all money, jobs, and access to essentials. Survivors may ask themselves: “How will I support my kids?” or “Will I end up homeless?”

Emotional Dependence

Control and manipulation can lead to emotional attachment, fear of being alone, or fear of what others will think. The thought of starting over can feel impossible.

Children

Some survivors stay because they want their children to have both parents. Others stay to protect their children from the abuser, fearing the abuser will get custody if they leave.

Isolation

Abusers often isolate victims from friends, family, and support systems. When you’ve been cut off from everyone you trust, where do you go?

Cultural & Religious Pressures

Cultural or religious beliefs can make leaving feel shameful, forbidden, or even impossible. For some, marriage is sacred even when it's unsafe.